


"Do you have a moment?"

by roidadidou



Category: Super Science Friends (Cartoon)
Genre: Humor, Real Shitpost Hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roidadidou/pseuds/roidadidou
Summary: Darwin gets stopped by a Christian running a booth at the market. He can stop to talk about the Lord; but not for the same reason she wants to.





	"Do you have a moment?"

Winston Churchill learned that day to never let Darwin go out by himself to get the groceries. The poor old fool came home with plenty of pamphlets and booklets in hand, having been successfully stopped by every kiosk, protestor and advertisement that set up their tiny little tables at the market to reel in suckers that could be persuaded to by their product, or sign their petitions, or donate to their causes.  


Of course, Darwin wasn’t the gullible type, having been the man to throw away the Bible in pursuit of science. But he was definitely the type to be easily stopped for conversation.  


“Excuse me, Sir!” came a cheerful voice as the man passed by, causing his feet to freeze in place. He turned to see a young woman with pristine white clothes and pulled-back hair.  


“Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ?”  


Goody, goody, the biologist thought. He’d love to talk about it. But not for the same reason that she did.  


“Which one?” He replied. The question put a confused wrinkle between the girl’s eyebrows, her particularly-lotioned hands gripping a leather-bound Bible so tightly to her ironed shirt that her knuckles turned another lighter shade of Anglo-Saxon white.  


“What do you mean, Sir? There’s only one God, and He only sent us one son.” She said with a perky ring.  


“No, no, I mean your denomination.”  


“Oh! I’m a representative of the local chapter of Presbyterian-”  


“What?”  


“Presbyterian.”  


“I haven’t heard that word before. Back in my day, you were either Catholic or Protestant. Or going to hell. Ha!”  


The girl shared a nervous chuckle with the, now, slightly-intimidating British man. There was some sort of hostile conviction in his voice, as if he were about to snap with some force to rival that of a gorilla’s. Darwin could, with the actual force of a gorilla, but he certainly wouldn’t. That wouldn’t be proper, and cuppa was in an hour.  


“So you’ve already accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?” She dared to ask. Darwin pulled a hand through his beard, formulating the response in his head.  


“After some of the things I’ve gone and said in front of audiences, He wouldn’t accept me in return.”  


Inside the woman’s head was a cache of prepared responses to a number of things that people would say to her while she was loitering near the market. It could be compared to a rolodex.  


“Not at all, Sir! God is willing to forgive anyone for their sins!”  


“Oh-ho-ho, I think I’ve gone too far.”  


Her smile cracked slightly.  


“W-What… What did you do?” She asked him. She was almost scared. One free hand left her Bible, and crawled to the fold-out plastic table that was set up behind her, eager to grasp at the papers that held pre-written prayers. Again, Darwin went quiet until he decided on his reply.  


It was now that the woman realized the man in front of her looked slightly familiar. Where had she seen that face? The newspaper?  


“The church didn’t like my theories very much.”  


“Theories?”  


“On the origins of species.”  


The gears in her head clicked. That face - one of the scientists the Science Center was dedicated to! She and her colleagues got well acquainted with those faces after all the hours they spent protesting in front of it.  


With a quivering, accusatory finger pointed at the man in front of her, she spoke.  


“Y-y-You’re- You’re Charles Darwin!”  


He nodded.  


She turned quickly to her table, picking up papers and pamphlets. The rolodex in her mind flipped at record speeds.  


“Oh, I can assure you, Sir, that there’s hope for you up in the kingdom of Heaven!”  


The pamphlets were thrust into his hands. She was thinking of the recognition and reward she’d get for reintroducing the Lord back into his life, following in the footsteps of her corrupt Christian forefathers.  


He curiously flipped through the colorfully-designed booklets. They certainly did the job of catching one’s eye, but their messages were ultimately stale.  


“Is there, now?” He asked.  


“Yes, yes! All you have to do is repent! Your sins will be washed away!” She did a wide sweeping motion with one arm to emphasize her point.  


“That always felt a little ingenuine to me…” Darwin began to ponder.  


“Any murderer, thief, or adulterer can just apologize and wind up on the same level as someone who lived in virtue their entire life.” He thought aloud.  


“The Lord above knows their sincerity! He can tell between a liar and someone who wants to change!”  


“Still, what’s the point of it all? I might as well wait until I’m on my deathbed to accept God again.”  


She stuttered as he began to wander away. Impulsively, she gripped his arm to pull him back.  


“B-But, I-”  


He withdrew his arm. His face looked bored, yet empathetic for the woman who stood hours in the heat for her cause. Despite their differences in ideology, he respected her.  


He fumbled through his pocket until he found a slip of paper; an advertisement for the Science Center that he and his teammates went to to attend the commemoration event. He remembered seeing protestors.  


He handed her the paper with a more gentle approach than she had taken.  


“I stayed and listened to your speal, dear… How about you listen to mine?”  


She took the crinkled poster with a dumbfounded expression.  


“I-... I will, Sir. Thank you for your time.”  


He smiled and nodded again before going back to his business in the market.  


It didn’t take long before Darwin’s friendly disposition was exploited again by another kiosk.  


“Excuse me, Sir!” A young man called to him, wearing a clean three-piece suit and tie.  


“Are you familiar with the writings of L. Ron Hubbard?”


End file.
